Hadn't I found the beating heart?
I'd forgotten I was staring at a sunset.
Surprised,
I found myself
sitting without light
Wondering
How
the clouds lost their brilliance;
Why
the sky had dimmed that
breath-snatching blue
captivating blue
a blue surpassing
blue I'd seen
but never tasted before;
Who
whispered those empty things in the dark
that sounded like grayness
and like not being free--
like mediocrity--
And the Christmas lights were muted
and there's too much time to think
on this train
about things that don't matter
things that are safe to say
that nothing can be done about them.
How many ways am I!
pruned tree
harvested field
discarded apple core
sunglasses for a seer
a poet
(but mostly a copycat)
but none of that matters because
I'm on a train at dusk
that I can't make faster or slower
watching the sun set
And Daddy is teaching me in his
cold-hard-facts-cash-and-a-hard-place way
that you get there
when you get there
and how in darkness
I can't see a foot forward
(even if it's my best)
but I can see planets and stars and galaxies
light-years up and away
and how Eve felt
because she was happy
and how a rush of perspective
is chemo that will hopefully
kill the right bad parts of you
before you die
of too much living
and how there's so so much more
to be meant for
than to fall apart
over one sunset
that He made.
